I can feel a shift happening

I’m not sure which life experience has brought this on, but I can feel a deep seated shift happening in the way that I think of things this spring.  It might be age, it might be the passing of my mom, it might be that it’s just time. I became more conscious of it a couple of weeks ago, at the retreat, and it’s become such a constant that I feel the need to put pen to paper on this one, to document this change (ok, shift) in my direction.

Most of us are familiar with the left brain/right brain analogy (which breaks into analytic/creative in my case).  I’ve been aware for the last several years that I am pretty much balanced in the way that I operate.  While not my brain (at left), this is a pretty good representation of how my mind works. And it’s pretty.

So take a look at that, and try to imagine what happens when you don’t feed both sides equally – in fact, you feel the bottomless need to feed the left side, while parsing out scraps to the right.

I went on a retreat (not a class, not a workshop, but a retreat) late in April. Oh, I packed a completely unrealistic number of undone projects in an attempt to maximize my productivity while I was there.  Seriously, I had a spreadsheet and everything – and maybe that should have been the clue I needed to jump off the crazy train.

Each of the items I needed to work on was paused at almost the exact same point in the creative process, and I was totally filled with anxiety when I picked any of them to work on.  I had no confidence in the skills I needed, and that’s because that while I knew I needed to spend more time practicing…I tried to ignore that inner voice.

That’s when I took a break, took a walk and really got real with myself – and made a commitment to myself that from this point out, I would put the time in.

The circumstances of my life haven’t made that possible until now, but this is adjusting to the new normal.  Stay tuned –

 

 

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